July 20, 2021
Except for the insane lack of sleep while camping, the trip has gone well so far. We went camping in Rocky Mountain National Park for a night, which was an incredible experience. The scenery was breathtaking, and it was relaxing to unplug for a couple of days while surrounded by nature.
We went on a short hike during which my kids found a stream to play in that had fish. Immediately, they went to this weird primal place in their heads. While I stood watching them play in the stream, I thought how nice it was to see them enjoying the outdoors. My daughter was playing down in the mud and water, wrapping a short, thick stick with slimy green leaves. I asked what she was doing, and she informed me that she was creating a spear to hunt for fish–this coming from a child who has never been fishing her entire life. Not to be outdone, my son immediately pulled a seven foot branch from the stream, so he could join in on fashioning a death spear.
Now the thing is, neither of them actually had any intention of killing fish, but it was still strange to see how a mile long hike brought out their survival instincts. It made me wonder: how long a hike would it take for them to begin acting out scenes reminiscent of Apocalypse Now? Two miles? A 5k? I’m not sure I want to find out.
Back to the lack of sleep. After two days and hundreds of miles on the road, I was sure that sleeping with my family in a tent under the stars was going to be just what I needed to get a restful night’s sleep. Then we pulled into the campground. There were bear signs EVERYWHERE, alerting us to the fact that we’d officially entered bear territory. I realized beforehand that camping in the mountains meant the slight possibility of having a bear encounter. What I hadn’t expected to see was the plethora of signs warning us that bears regularly frequent the campsite we were staying in. The signs also advised on what we should do to lessen the chances of a bear encounter. All the advice was food related.
Now if you’ve never slept outdoors in bear country, you probably aren’t familiar with bear boxes. I wasn’t either. So, when I saw the sign that showed how you should store your food inside one of these boxes, my first thought was that it was some sort of food peace offering to the bear. It’s not. You store your food inside the box so that the bears won’t smell your food and then target your campsite. Whatever food you don’t store in the bear box, you’re supposed to cover up and store in your car.
Did you know that a stick of gum is enough to stimulate a bear’s sense of smell? This is a fun fact I learned at 1AM when I couldn’t sleep that night. My restless brain thought it would be funny to remind me that I had a pack of mint gum in my backpack, which was inside my tent. That’s when I googled “can bears smell gum,” and learned all kinds of great information about bears on the USDA website. Like if you encounter a bear, you’re supposed to talk to it in a normal tone of voice. Kudos to the wilderness hero who can pull this off, but I’d bet that most people are going to hit a couple of octaves higher if they have a close encounter with a bear. Besides, what’s there to talk about anyway if you meet a bear up close? “Heeeey bear! Like my Yogi impression?”
Back to the bear box. I decided, after a little research, that this was the best place to store my gum filled backpack. And yes, I could’ve just stored the gum in the box, but you know–minty gum residue is probably also a thing. I crawled out of the tent with my backpack, put on my shoes and started heading to the box that was about fifteen feet from the tent site (not the hundred yards that the USDA recommends you put between you and your food at night). And this is when it dawns on me. All these safety measures were just a crap shoot. We were there in the wilderness, camping on the bears’ turf, positioned between a bear “resistant” box and an SUV containing a cooler full of meat. If the bears decided they were hungry enough, they were definitely going to risk searching our campsite, especially if just a tiny stick of gum can peak their sense of smell.
So now I’m imagining the bears roaming nearby, smelling our Nissan Bear Pantry, heading over to see what’s what, and getting pretty irate when they realize they can’t open the bear box or pop the trunk with their bear paws. But of course, they do quickly realize that the only thing standing between them and some delicious human jerky is a very thin layer of nylon fabric. These are not good thoughts to have in the middle of the night. They’re not great thoughts in the day either, but weird things happen with thoughts in the night. They take on a life of their own. Eventually, I did sleep but only for small intervals. I woke up at least a dozen times. Each time went something like: sleep, sleeping, sleep….soft roar, GRUMBLE, snarl….wake up, “Oh my god! The bears are here for my Dentyne spearmint gum!”…oh wait, that’s just my husband snoring. Every. Single. Time.
Anyway, the park was beautiful. The camping was mostly amazing. I highly recommend the trip overall, but maybe just throw this into the category of things you should know before you go. Next time, I’ll do better research and leave my gum at home.